Trigger warning: The following presentation contains scenes that could give the impression that violence against women is glorified or that the humiliation of women is tolerable. At this point it should therefore be stressed that the author and we at Vitamin FEM absolutely dissociate ourselves from such an attitude. The actions described have been performed in a sexual game of submission by mutual agreement and could have been stopped at any time with the help of a safe word.
Pain and self-degradation
The subject of pain and self-degradation has always played a role in my life. Not sexually, but at some time came the point where I wanted to know about it. Like many women I had read the Shades of Grey books and seen the movies. Somehow a world of submission opened up in beautiful pictures that I would have liked to know more about. So at some point I registered on different dating sites. I was quickly offered exactly such scenarios, but somehow I wasn’t ready at first. I was rather repulsed by the offers. And yet: curiosity remained.
Everyone needs someone who can handle their darker sides.
Initiating a date
At some point I started writing with a guy who seemed to be well experienced in BDSM. We wrote for a while, and then we planned a meeting at the hotel. I went there completely unprepared. Didn’t think about whether there might be a need to think about it. It turned me on incredibly in advance that he wrote from time to time in hints or very concretely about fantasies that he wanted to act out with me. Probably it was also exciting for him to meet a woman who had no experience with such things.
How it all began
What happened in the hotel was the most extreme and at the same time hottest thing I had experienced sexually by that time. From the first minute of meeting him, I was impressed by his presence. No sooner was he there than I was already lying on the floor. But what did not frighten me, but simply turned me on incredibly. I don’t know what I expected, but I think it had mainly to do with chains and bondage scenarios. None of this took place that night. It was first and foremost about him humiliating me in all kinds of ways. I should crawl naked on the floor in front of him. Whenever I tried to resist something, he would remind me who was in charge with punches or other disciplinary measures. And that I was only there to serve him and be humiliated by him.
How it all took its course
I don’t remember exactly, but I do know that several times I was lying somewhere full of spit and sperm in the corner. My head wanted to tell me all the time that what we did there was totally sick, but my body spoke a completely different language. I practically leaked out of horniness. When he let go of me, I begged for him to push his cock into my mouth again and again. As long and as deep, until I had to choke and until he came again somewhere on or in me. What particularly turned me on was that he made me feel his contempt, which was ultimately part of the game and outside of it had nothing to do with his attitude towards me as a woman, by spitting at me: in my face, in my mouth, on my vagina, everywhere. At some point I no longer knew what his sperm and what his spit was on and in me.
What happened the next day
After a restless night, during which I hardly closed one eye, we started new rounds in the morning, which ended with me having his hand on my neck again as soon as I got too close. A little later I felt him again above me and his penis deep in my throat. I was not allowed to touch myself. This relief came at the end in the shower, where he penetrated me with the shower jet, lying in the corner, spit all over and full of sperm as so often in the not even 24 hours of our encounter. I must say that in the end I was physically quite exhausted. And that when I was alone again, there were also short moments when the pictures passed me by and I first had to realize what had happened. But in any case, experience has shown me that there is still a lot sexually that I haven’t dared to try until now, and that I now want to make up for it.
Manuela W. 38 years
I would like to thank Marret and Julia for creating Vitamin FEM, a platform that addresses the exciting and diverse topic of female sexuality. And that with the V-Stories they give women the opportunity to share their experiences and at best inspire each other to live their own sexuality in a self-determined way.
We thank you, dear Manuela, for your courage to share your story with us and all other interested women.