The other day I read that anal sex is being traded as the new oral sex. So he seems to be slowly coming out of the dirty corner he’s been stuck in for years.
Anal sex can be a lot of fun and bring intense orgasms, but for many it is still associated, at least in the mind, with preconceptions and also pain. So it’s time to talk about it and (in the truest sense of the word) shed some light on how it can be a fulfilling experience for both partners.
Anal sex: what is meant by it
Anal sex is when one of the partners penetrates the anus of the other with the penis, finger or a sex toy. If the woman penetrates the man in this way, this once again has a special name, pegging. In this case, the woman can give the partner (but also the female partner) anal pleasure, for example, with a strap-on.
In the past, men often took a defensive position to this idea, because they believed that they would be considered homosexual, but now more men are discovering their pleasure in it. Because this type of prostate stimulation can lead to intense orgasms in men.
Are men and women equally into anal sex?
Asking around among male friends and looking at how often the term is searched for on porn sites (in 2018, “anal” was the most searched word on Pornhub), we might get the impression that anal sex seems to be the ultimate for men.
At the same time, I often hear from men that the respective woman is not so open to the idea or even rather averse to it.
So it’s another gender gap? However, this also seems to be changing if you look at the sales figures for anal sex toys in recent years, whose sales figures are constantly increasing and are even the best-selling products in some countries.
While the attraction for men may be the “forbidden” or even “dirty”, at the same time this is exactly what has probably scared off many women too much to even want to give it a try. In addition, the way it is portrayed in porn often suggests that anal sex works the same way as vaginal sex and often comes across more like a quickie. Every man and also every woman might be quickly disillusioned regarding this by the first contact with anal sex. Slow (at least at the beginning) is the key here.
Women also seem to be more and more attracted to anal sex. Perhaps because they have found that when done correctly, very intense orgasms await them and it is also nowhere near as “dirty” as it may have been in fantasy. But to be able to experience these pleasures, some things should be taken into account.
This is important for anal sex
Mutual consent and interest
Especially if you’ve never had anal sex before, everything should start with communication and mutual consent. So please, no unannounced surprise actions just because you might already be “in the area”. In doing so, you destroy all trust and thus also the openness for future experimentation. Even if you have had anal sex before, you should at least get consent from your partner by looking at him or her.
You can also agree on a “safeword”. This practice comes from BDSM, but it can also help in all other sexual practices to signal the other person to stop or to continue more slowly.
So if you agree that you want to try anal sex, then the right attitude and preparation is the most important thing or the best guarantee that there will be “aaahhhs” and “ooohhhs” later.
“Energy flows where attention goes” applies here as well. If you are expecting pain, you are more likely to feel it, because your head is already set for it, practically waiting for it, and your body is more tense than it needs to be. Rather, remember to let your whole body relax and be curious. In addition, when it starts you can also breathe consciously and send the breath in your mind towards your anus and imagine how your sphincter muscle relaxes more and more with each inhale and exhale.
Cleanliness during anal sex
Many shy away from anal sex because they think it is probably a dirty thing in the truest sense of the word. However, when we don’t have to go to the bathroom, our rectum is relatively clean. If you feel better, you can jump in the shower beforehand (you can also use this as shared foreplay) or even perform an anal douche. And yes, it can of course happen that a few small brown stains end up on the bed sheet. However, experience shows that this is rather rare and in the heat of the moment it does not really bother and outweighs the pleasure of this shared experience.
You can (if you haven’t known the partner long, you should) also use condoms. There are special condoms for anal sex, which are slightly thicker and do not tear as quickly. This makes the situation a little more pleasant for the giving part in terms of cleanliness, if there are any concerns in this regard. In addition, condoms are of course a must if you want to enter the woman’s vagina with the toy or penis after anal sex. The bacteria that live in the colon do not belong in the rather sensitive vaginal climate of women and can lead to unpleasant reactions such as vaginal infections or even bladder infections.
Condoms for contraception?
Woman cannot get pregnant from anal sex alone. However, if you as a woman have a male partner and do not use additional hormonal contraception or other methods such as an IUD, then without the use of a condom there is always a small residual risk that the sperm will find their way into the vagina and thus can still lead to pregnancy. So, if you want to be on the safe side and don’t use other contraception, then you should also make a point of using a condom during anal sex for this said reason.
Small tools help sweeten the experience
When you start caressing your partner’s anus with your tongue (also called rimming), lube is not essential for the beginning. If you prefer to start with your finger or a sex toy, then lubricant is essential. The rectum, unlike the vagina, does not produce moisture that would ensure good lubrication. Therefore, the motto in this case is “more is more”. The more lube, the better. Because if it is too dry, then pain can occur, because the sensitive skin at the anus and in the rectum can then easily crack due to the friction, which then hurts (and could also become inflamed).
If you want to use toys, start small. For example, there are anal plugs in different sizes up to anal vibrators and dildos. Whatever brings fun is allowed here. However, you should also start slowly and make sure that the toys are shaped in such a way or have a retrieval cord that they can not completely disappear in the anus.
When using sex toys, be sure to match the lube to it as well. So water-based lubricant for silicone toys, because silicone lubricants can otherwise damage the toy. There are also special anal lubricants, try what suits you best.
Advantage if you start with the fingers or a small anal toy that you can slowly widen the sphincter, so that if desired then a little later you can penetrate more easily with the penis or the strap-on.
Time is your friend
As I said before, “slow” is the name of the game and time is your friend. At least, if you don’t have that much experience with anal sex yet, you should take enough time and always be in contact with each other. Pay attention not only to the verbal signals, but also to the signals of the receiving person’s body. Because in this kind of sexual play, the receiving person definitely sets the pace!
If you have had anal sex more often, know that you get your pleasure from it, and how you relax fairly quickly to be “ready to receive”, then anal sex can also become simply a way of having sex without much preparation time.
If your partner then slowly penetrates with finger, toy or penis, it sometimes helps to apply very light counter-pressure yourself, so you have more control over how far and fast the other penetrates. Again, take your time, keep waiting a moment for the sphincter to relax further in the new position. And uses lube, lube, lube! Very gently move yourself back and forth so that the gel can spread well and the sphincter is further gently stretched. At some point you will notice that the “critical point” where it could hurt is overcome and the muscles are relaxed enough that the remaining part of the finger, toy or penis can then be received more easily.
Many men say that part of the appeal of anal sex for them in a giving role is that it feels tighter for them. At the same time, many also report that the muscles in the anus relax during anal stimulation to such an extent that at some point there is practically no difference for them between vaginal and anal penetration. So relaxation really is the magic word.
Which positions are best?
That, too, is probably a matter of taste. Often here is referred to the cowgirl position, because the woman sits here on top and so has more control. However, for many women, this position does not seem to bring sufficient relaxation of the sphincter muscle to receive the part lying below.
The spooning position, in which the giving part lies behind the receiving person, can help with greater relaxation. But also in doggy style or the Magic Mountain position the angle is often more suitable for the woman and the pace can still be set quite well by the receiving person and the magic 45° angle can be maintained (this makes it easier to take the toy or penis inside).
It remains to be said, however, that due to our very individual physical conditions, it can be a painful matter for some people after all. If the man’s penis is simply too long or mainly too big in diameter, then anal sex is simply not the right type of play for you. So be considerate of each other and talk about the possibilities here as well, but also the limits.
Orgasm during anal sex
One study often mentioned in this context is the one conducted by researchers at the Indiana University School of Health among 6,000 women on the subject of anal sex. While 64% reported having an orgasm during vaginal intercourse, an impressive 94% of respondents said they orgasmed during anal sex.
What is the reason for this? The anus is surrounded by countless nerve endings and is therefore a highly sensitive, erogenous zone of our body. When this area is stimulated, the signals are transmitted directly to the brain, and through penetration during anal sex, the vagina and clitoris are also stimulated. This combination of multiple stimulation can then also cause the extremely intense orgasms described. If the man is the receiving part, e.g. in pegging, his prostate is stimulated, which also allows him to experience very intense orgasms.
Give it a try! Anal sex is definitely something you should try or even give a second chance if the first time was not so thrilling right away. It is a sexual game that, at least for most, gets better and more delightful with time.
Moreover, it also quite often leads to a closer bond within the relationship, because it has something very intimate and vulnerable and requires a lot of respect for each other and consideration for each other.
Take your time, use lots of lube and enjoy being in contact with each other! And dear men, sign up for the experiment of being fucked lovingly by your sweetheart!