Meditation and sex may not have much to do with each other at first glance. But a second look is definitely worth it, because meditation can contribute to a more fulfilling and intense sexual experience.
Meditation is long gone from the Eso-corner and has arrived in the middle of our everyday life. Whether wrapped in the garment of mindfulness or as an independent method that leads to more Self-awareness. Even in the management floors of large companies meditation is a welcome guest today.
meditation and sex
But in connection with sex, meditation rarely appears. Sure, because when we think of meditation, we often have the image of a monk sitting still and deep in himself. Of course, this has little to do with the images we have in our minds when we think of sex.
Therefore we would like to take a closer look at the advantages and added value of meditation in connection with sex.
1. The effects of stress on our sex(ual drive)
Stress not only has a negative effect on our immune system, a constantly increased stress level also reduces our desire for sex and the probability of reaching orgasm. But why? When we are stressed, our body and mind are in survival mode. This means that all functions that are not necessary for direct survival are shut down and this includes not only our digestion but also our sex drive. Because reproduction and fight for survival simply do not work at the same time and would also need at the same time simply too much energy.
Therefore, our sex drive is then reduced or even shut down. So it’s no wonder that in stressful times, when our head is full of thoughts and maybe even worries, we don’t feel like having sex.
Meditating regularly, i.e. sitting in silence and focusing on the breath for at least 10 minutes a day, can help to reduce the stress level. When our body and mind become calmer, when the carousel of thoughts in our head slows down, then we come back from survival mode to the feeling of security that we need in order to have sex again.
2. Improve our body awareness
Not all meditation is the same. With different kinds of meditation we can improve different areas. For example, while we train our concentration and attention with the breath focus meditation, the Body Scan can help to improve our body awareness.
The added value should be quite clear in connection with sex. The more sensitively we can perceive our body, the better we can of course also feel touches during sex and also perceive certain areas of the body.
Although we have stored a certain “map” of our body in the brain, fortunately even this can change and expand. This will not happen overnight, but through regular body scans and the conscious sensing of certain body regions this “map” will change. As a result, we may even discover or develop entirely new erogenous zones over time.
This new body map can then help us to have more fun during solo sex and also during sex with the partner. We can also communicate much more precisely how we want to be touched where.
3. Enjoy the here and now
Improving attention or concentration is often mentioned as one of the main goals of meditation. But even attention is not equal to attention. It can be perceived in the form of concentration, so it helps us to stay focused while working on thing for a period of time. Among other things, it can also help to block out other stimuli so that we can stay with what we are doing.
Through regular meditation we can learn to improve our attention in the form of concentration. On the other hand, we also learn to detect new stimuli that might distract us from our intention to concentrate and to consciously decide whether we want to give in to these stimuli and follow them.
In connection with sex, this means that through meditation we can improve the conscious being in the moment. We can then, in the moment of bodily union, fully engage with the other and appreciate this moment. We can be fully present with ourselves and with the other.
In addition, stimuli arising during sex from within, e.g. thoughts, or from outside, e.g. sounds, can severely disturb our arousal. One thinks for a moment of the upcoming conversation with the difficult employee tomorrow and the arousal drops or the erection is gone. Maybe it is also the post man who does not stop ringing just when we are about to come to orgasm.
Through meditation we learn to control our thoughts and our attention. Thus we can decide more and more during sex whether we let ourselves be distracted by unnecessary thoughts or stimuli from the outside, or whether we stay completely in this moment and enjoy it with all our senses.
4. Getting to know our own needs
At Vitamin FEM we often talk about how important communication is. How important it is for us to communicate our needs and wishes. But of course this is only possible if we understand and know ourselves. We can only name emotions if we have learned to recognize them and put them into words.But of course this is only possible if we understand and know ourselves. And even the empathic perception of the other person and putting into words what we perceive only works if we allow ourselves to feel it and if there is a connection to the other person that allows this.
Through meditation we learn to stand still for the pleasant and also unpleasant emotions that can arise during a meditation. We learn that they are there and also that we are not our emotions and that they can be endured and may change.
Since in meditation we are not stuck in our everyday thinking, but also give space for new ideas, feelings and impulses, new needs and desires in connection with our own sexuality may arise in meditation that would like to be looked at more closely. It is possible that we have suppressed them up to now, for reasons such as inner beliefs or social guidelines and views. But then it is time to give these fantasies and wishes the space to explore them in a neutral way, in order to recognize whether they will remain fantasy or become a wish that we want to realize.
5. Being able to connect
Through compassion meditations we move from connection to ourselves to connection with others. We cultivate compassion for ourselves, but also compassion for others. By learning to accept ourselves lovingly, we feel more comfortable in and with ourselves. This also allows us to be in contact with our partner with more self-confidence. Especially during sex it is much nicer to be able to fully enjoy the moment instead of worrying about whether we have one or two pounds too muchon our ribs.
When we accept ourselves and are in balance, we can also be in better contact with the other person. We can connect with him/her without maintaining protective walls, which in turn leads to a more intense experience. If we can meet our partner with empathy and compassion, we are also more open to the wishes and needs of the other person. The open and honest communication of one’s own wishes and needs in turn strengthens the connection with the other person.
6. Meditation & sex: an exercise
Meditation is one thing we need to invest in regularly to see changes. We can realize this independently of the partner. But of course there is also the possibility to link meditation directly to sex and the partner.
This exercise is not for those moments when you are so crazy about each other that you want to jump on each other immediately. In this case please ignore this exercise and give in to your desire!
However, if you feel like having a moment of not only physical connection and are just able to keep your desire in check, then try the following exercise:
- Take a few minutes time and rest for this exercise
- Sit opposite to each other (preferably already naked), e.g. on the bed, so that your knees touch each other when sitting cross-legged and you can also hold hands.
- Look into each other’ s eyes for a few seconds and then close your eyes.
- Focus your attention first on your own breathing. Feel the lifting and lowering of the abdomen and chest. After a few breaths you will notice that your body relaxes more and more and your breathing becomes longer and calmer.
- Then start with alternating breathing. That means, while one of you inhales, the other one exhales. You can also imagine that the exhalation flows through the connection of the hands to the person and flows back to you. Then inhale again with you and send the exhale again to the other person. As if you were breathing in a circle.
- After a few minutes in this breathing, open your eyes and look into each other’ s eyes. Notice the connection you have made and strengthened through breathing with each other. Observe the presence of the other in front of you. Let your gaze become gentle by gently smiling at your partner.
- Start touching your partner. Intuitively where you feel that your partner wants the touch.
- And then give in to your feeling and desire that everything can, nothing must.