Are self-confident men exceptionally good in bed? Do shy men automatically fail in bed? Does the same apply to women?! What does “good in bed” actually mean?! And why is there actually a need to write an article about performance pressure during sex? This article wants to get to the heart of all these questions.
A man‘s sexual performance is a reflection of his self-confidence.by Michael L. Georgoveanu
Self-confidence and sexuality
If a person suffers from a lack of self-confidence or is rather or even very shy, then this is often – with men as well as with women – accompanied by a feeling of shame regarding their own physicality and sexuality. Next to insecurities regarding their own personality, the effect on other people as well as their own performance in all areas of life. One can almost say that the topic of performance extends to the sexual life of those affected. The following vicious circle is responsible for their insecurity: Because they do not like their body and are not sure whether it functions in the crucial moment as desired, the concerning tense up. They become anxious, under which again the spontaneity, the ability to let go and the pleasure during sex suffer.
Performance pressure for men
It is said that men always want sex, are always horny and always ready to “put his P in a V”, as they say colloquially. In this lies already an inaccurate assumption, which must put every man potentially under pressure. Just because men may actually think about sex more frequently does not mean that sexual arousal automatically and always leads to an erection and finally to orgasm. Even if lust and arousal are there, it is possible that men cannot “get a hard-on” because, for example, fear or insecurity work against sexual activity. Where this fear and uncertainty comes from can have various reasons. In any case, it does not necessarily mean that the sexual partner is not perceived as attractive or desirable. Nor does it automatically mean that there is a pathological erectile dysfunction. This should only be clarified if the erection fails to occur regularly.
Performance pressure for women
Just as men are often prejudiced as being horny or sex addicts, women are said to rarely think about sex and even less likely to actively seek it. The famous example of the woman with headaches is familiar to most people. In fact, many women deny their sexual arousal. This may be based on the fact that sexually active women quickly get rid of the reputation of a slut. This is where a double standard comes into play that makes it difficult for women to live out their sexual freedom. On the one hand, it makes women attractive if they are sexually open and thus supposedly experienced. On the other hand, it makes her a sexually active person who sleeps her way through beds. For experienced women, the pressure to perform results from the fact that they are expected to be ready for anything, so to speak. Inexperienced women, on the other hand, often face the pressure of not knowing well enough what pleases him, what excites him and what subsequently leads to an erection. Behind both scenarios is the fear of not being able to please or satisfy him, and the pressure of not being considered prudish.
Pressure to perform as desire destroyer
It quickly becomes clear that there can be enough reasons for both women and men why sex can become an additional burden rather than a pool of pleasure. This happens whenever we feel compelled to do something we don’t really want to do (we think of gang bang parties from the perspective of many women) in order to please the opposite sex. Equally problematic is when sex is considered to be equal to performance, so we always have to be afraid of being judged for what we deliver in bed.
Good in bed – what does that mean?!
For the man, this means having to get an erection in any case, at best several times, and also making sure that the woman also gets satisfied or even giving her multiple orgasms in the best case. Accordingly, he is not good in bed if he does not get hard despite being horny, cannot penetrate the woman and/or cannot cum. If he does not manage to give the woman an orgasm and is ready for the second, third, fourth round after the first effusion, he is not good in bed. So the mistaken assumption. The woman in turn is expected to make him so horny that he can perform in any case. The devaluation of the term vanilla sex also implies that women should like to experiment and should be open to all kinds of sexual varieties. The service catalog is thus very extensive and demanding for all involved, which can take away the ease of sex and the pleasure of sexual intercourse.
Performance pressure outside the bed
We encounter pressure to perform not only during sex, but in almost all areas of life. If you ask people, there is hardly any area that is not affected. In particular, the pressure to perform in the world space has increased, resulting in consequential damage to health. The fading boundaries between work and private life are also causing more and more people to experience very high levels of stress. Relationships suffer from the changed working conditions. This makes it even more sad when the bedroom also becomes a place where performance pressure prevails instead of desire for the other person and curiosity about sexual interaction.
Sex without pressure to perform
If you would ask people what good sex is for them, you would probably get as many different answers as you ask people. However, everyone would certainly agree that sex is good when everyone involved wants it and feels something. This is essentially a question of harmony and interaction, which will only occur when there is a relaxed atmosphere and no one is under pressure because something specific is expected of them. Exaggerated expectations stand in the way of a good experience just as much as fixed ideals. Helpful on the other hand is a proper amount of curiosity about the other person or persons as well as about the physical sensations and perceptions, concentration on the here and now, a certain joy in experimenting and a healthy amount of self-confidence.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
