Again and again we are asked what we think about porn, whether we watch porn ourselves, and whether we don’t even want to talk or write about it. For this reason we address the topic with this article. The question of whether we watch porn ourselves is probably due to the fact that many people think that we deal with the topic a lot because of Vitamin FEM alone. Because pornography ultimately influences our image of sexuality and this may change accordingly. This is definitely the case, but also as private persons we like to watch porn once in a while. Because, and so we would like to start this article, there is not only bad porn. And it is also definitely not the case that only men watch porn. In the end it is all about being or becoming aware of one’s own needs and finding films that are suitable for them, that are fun and have a positive influence on one’s own sexual arousal.
The gender perspective on pornographic films
The number of women watching porn seems to have increased. And the most common key search words imply that women are not only interested in subtle little films. It may also be a little harder once in a while. However, the films of choice should not only be about satisfying male horniness. Women today deal much more offensively with what they like and want to see this realized while watching porn. A development that encourages, but is not always necessarily reflected in porn. This is because most porn is still geared towards male taste and shot from the male perspective on sex, i.e. the woman is the object of desire and is given priority. Not that this is not also a hot idea for some women, but not exclusively. Female sexuality is, as we never tire of emphasizing here on the blog and also in our podcast, much more complex and multi-layered. And this is how the porn industry could and should like to be.
The tastes vary
Basically it must be said that it is like always in life: Not every man has the same taste in porn. This also applies to the woman as well. While some need action as a frame, others are only interested in the act itself. Some value an appealing appearance of the actors, others don’t care at all about the appearance as long as their fantasies are presented as explicitly as possible. Some men only need a little bare skin to get horny immediately, for others pure nudity is not enough. The same applies to women: For some they need very vivid pictures, others like it more subtle, because that way there is more room for their own mind movie.
“Afterwards they penetrate from front, back and across until the women are ejaculated into the open mouth, without touching, without kissing, without anything human.
from: Sie hat Bock by Katja Lewina
Porn and sexual arousal
Sexual arousal depends on many factors. It can vary on a daily basis. It is therefore dependent on the mood of the day. And not static. Therefore, sexual preferences can change constantly and so can the taste of porn. On some days we may like it more “sensual”, on others more “rough”. For exactly this reason you can choose between different categories on common porn sites. Our daily condition in turn depends on various influencing factors such as our physical, mental and emotional condition. This also affects our arousal ability. If we are in a relaxed basic attitude, it is much more likely that a porn that serves our sexual preferences will arouse us sexually. If, on the other hand, our heads are somewhere else, then it will be relatively unimportant what kind of films we watch, we will have difficulties getting involved head on, which will then be expressed on a physical level in the form of a lack of arousal.
Dangers of porn
It is definitely important to emphasize that, in our opinion, dealing with pornography is or should be naturally for adults. On the basis of a sexuality that has already been formed by real experiences, adult men and women can use sex films as complementary or additional fuel. For the younger generation, things are a little different, and we see at least one major danger here. Boys and girls who come into contact with porn at a very early age hardly have the chance to discover their own sexuality before the porn industry presents them with what is in all probability a completely different picture. Sexuality is a delicate plant and needs careful and careful watering. In this context, fears and insecurities can arise, questions can arise and, due to ignorance, traumatizing experiences can be made. It is important to communicate all these things in order to stay open and see sexuality for what it is: a joyful aspect of our lives. A playground where we can let loose as long as we and the others are doing well.
Porn instead of sex
We have given a lot of thought to the fact that the porn industry and easy access to pornography could possibly ensures or could ensure that young people in particular are so accustomed to porn, i.e. basically sexually pornographically socialized, so that the playful discovery of their own sexuality is completely pushed into the background. Sexuality thus degenerates into a scenario far away from reality, which many only know from the screen linked to masturbation. If a sexual encounter occurs in real life, there are already exaggerated or unrealistic expectations in the room, which in case of doubt prevent sexual fulfillment instead of making it possible. This applies both to the young men, on which an enormous achievement pressure rests, one considers, how often and how long porn actors (in surely not always natural way) can (must) perform in the film. As well as for the young women, who inevitably (must) get the impression of being willing and solely committed to the man’s orgasm at all times.
porn addiction
In addition to the alienation from one’s own sexuality and the danger of not finding a relationship in the first place or losing it due to excessive consumption and unrealistic expectations, extensive porn consumption also carries the danger that all other areas of life begin to suffer, for example, and primarily work or study. In the same way addiction is defined, which is “the undeniable desire for a certain state of experience”. In porn addiction it is the sexual arousal that leads to orgasm, triggered by the consumption of porn. Those who become dependent on having to watch porn on a regular basis will have to devote a lot of time to this part of their lives and lose it in other areas of life. In the worst case, the addiction becomes worthy of treatment because social life and quality of life suffer significantly.
Sexual arousal and orgasm without porn
There are many good reasons to limit your porn consumption or even to stop it entirely. Starting with the often questionable image of women, the unrealistic depiction of sex and the conditions under which pornography is produced (poor pay of the actors, no contraception, body shaming, etc.) Above all, however, it can be a very, very valuable experience to rely more on your own imagination again. You can perhaps imagine it a bit like a navigation device: the more we rely on it to lead us to the right place, the less we rely on our own local area knowledge. The same applies to Dr. Google: The more we rely on finding the answers to all our questions there, the less we will research ourselves. And the more we get sexual stimulation from outside in the form of porn, the less it comes from our own fantasy. But we can always fall back on it, it is always adapted to our needs, and it will certainly lead to the goal: namely to sexual arousal and in case of doubt to orgasm.
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
