Orgasm, also called climax, is the climax of sexual pleasure that often occurs during intercourse or masturbation. This is the definition of orgasm at Wikipedia. This is a good description of what orgasm is all about. How it feels individually to climax is on a whole different map. However, common paraphrases are “THE emotion of all emotions”, “peak of ecstasy”, “the perfect big little happiness”, “moment and eternity” “falling and flying at the same time”. Here it becomes clear how explosive and at the same time meditative the moment of orgasm can be in the experience, and why so many women and men long to climax regularly, be it during sex with their partner or during sex with themselves. However, there are also people who do not feel eurphoric after sex, but rather feel a dysphoria. That’s what this article is about, among other things.
The female orgasm – how it builds up
This article is specifically dedicated to the female orgasm. This builds up as follows when stimulated by the sexual partner or ourselves: The cerebrum and limbic system evaluate the sensual stimuli triggered by the eyes, lips, skin and hands and then transmit the stimuli to the hypothalamus. This is considered the control center of pleasure and issues various commands in seconds that provide sexual desire and the feeling of arousal. Adrenaline accelerates the heartbeat and respiration, and the messenger substances noradrenaline and dopamine, which are also increasingly released, put us in a high mood. The brainstem gives the signal to the erectile tissue of the clitoris, the female erectile center. At the same time, the labia also enlarge, initiating the first phase of the female orgasm, called the arousal phase.
The four phases of the female orgasm
In addition to the swelling of the clitoris and labia, breathing accelerates and blood pressure rises during the arousal phase. Once a certain level of arousal is reached, the arousal phase transitions to the so-called plateau phase, a phase of sustained strong arousal in which the muscles in the lower pelvis tighten, the nipples erect, and the woman becomes moist. Many experience an ecstatic feeling of happiness that rises through the spinal cord and spreads throughout the body. Others report a pulsating vibration that occurs in waves. Afterwards, in the so-called orgasmic phase, the actual climax occurs in the form of rhythmic contractions in the vagina, which can last for different lengths of time. The orgasm is often also called “seconds of ecstasy”, which makes it clear that it is nevertheless rather a short period of time. After that, breathing, pulse and arousal gradually recede in the regression phase, which is also called the relaxation phase. The intensity of an orgasm can vary greatly. And not every sexual stimulation automatically leads to orgasm. However, what distinguishes the female from the male orgasm is that a woman can basically experience the next climax right away and another and another (multiple orgasms).
The meaning of life is to somehow fill the time between two orgasms.
Katie Price
Vaginal or clitoral orgasm?
Only about one-fifth of women can come exclusively through vaginal penetration. Most women need additional clitoral stimulation. Some women only experience an undisturbed climax when they satisfy themselves. Others only come when the clitoris is rubbed directly during sex, by whomever. Still others find fulfillment only with a fully filled vagina, that is, through penetration. And then there are a few women for whom a fantasy is sometimes enough to get them going: Their body gets so excited just by images in their head that an orgasm is triggered. Some women climax very rarely overall, and some never actually climax. Reasons for the absence can be: a negative body image, shame or a morally capped sexuality, alcohol influence, health restrictions.
Coital dysphoria
In addition to the problem of not being able to reach orgasm, or only rarely, there are also women (as well as men) who can reach orgasm but do not feel a high afterwards. This can happen sporadically, but also regularly. It is important to emphasize that so-called coital dysphoria is a phenomenon that occurs during the relaxation phase after consensual, satisfying sex. If this has taken place, those affected experience inner restlessness, feelings of anxiety, and become melancholic or depressed. Latent aggressiveness may also emerge. While the feeling after sex is usually rather euphoric, people who suffer from sexual dysphoria tend to start crying, don’t know what to do with themselves and sometimes even plague themselves with feelings of guilt and shame.
When sex causes negative feelings
There are different reasons for coital dysphoria. Experiences of abuse, for example, can be causal for the fact that affected persons tend to be exposed to negative emotions after sex. Attachment issues can also play a role in this. Sex is a very intimate act, a moment of intense connection. Once this moment is over, the feeling of togetherness may give way to a feeling of separateness, which can lead to irritation and trigger sadness and/or irritability. Those affected are not necessarily aware of this connection; rather, they are surprised anew each time by the intensity of the negative feelings. It is quite possible that this coincides with the fact that after the hormonal rush there is a drop in positive hormones, which additionally causes the low mood. Also not uncommon are shameful feelings about sex. Especially people who have been drilled in one way or another that sex is something dirty are more likely to be confronted with the fact that pleasure in sex is something forbidden and must not be lived openly.
What to do when you have after sex blues
Coital dysphoria is just like all other disorders: There is a need for action when the affected person feels pressure to suffer. This may be a resulting sexual lack of desire or a conflict with a partner who may not be understanding. First and foremost, the conversation should then be initiated in the partnership context in order to prevent the partner from referring the mood lows after sex to himself. Further down the line, however, it may also make sense to seek professional help, for example in the form of conversational psychotherapy. It can also be useful to deal with any existing expectations in a private as well as in a therapeutic context. So it is quite a common assumption that good sex must always end with an orgasm. At best, both sexual partners even climax together. Idealizing sex and expecting too much from the act itself can result in depressive moods when expectations are not met. Dealing with aspiration and reality can take a lot of pressure off and make a new experience possible.
Picture by Markus Bronold
