There are different ways to have sex with each other.
In this case, this does not mean same-sex or opposite-sex intercourse. Also in this case there should not be talked about solo sex, threesomes, foursomes or group sex.
Rather, this article is about the difference between slow sex and rough sex. Whereby the counterpart to slow sex, strictly speaking, would certainly be the quickie. But since slow sex is not only a more time-consuming form of sex, but also a more gentle form of sex, as an antidote also a rather harder form of sex, the so-called rough sex, will be considered.
Vanilla sex – a discontinued model?
Many people, women as well as men, seem to prefer a harder approach to sex these days. Vanilla sex or even cuddle sex is almost frowned upon. With vanilla sex, classically with a long foreplay, is meant romantic sex, which is very tender and goes rather without many experiments. Anyone who says today that he likes vanilla sex is quickly considered sexually boring or not very open-minded. Also the word “petting” hardly seems to occur today and is therefore outdated. This refers to sexual acts that stimulate, but do not lead to sexual intercourse.
Rough Sex is the manifestation of romance. You trust someone so much that you let them do whatever they want with one thing that is yours.
Rough sex can be defined as any form of animalistically aggressive sex without tools, where our sexual drives take control of our thinking. The actual act is thus more in focus than the foreplay in the form of hours of kissing, tender caresses and slow undressing. During rough sex it can even happen that not all clothes will drop to the floor.
Varieties of Rough Sex
Rough sex includes all sexual varieties in which both sex partners derive their satisfaction from a certain hardness in interaction with each other. To give a few examples: pressing against the wall, hitting (spanking), choking and pulling the hair. Of course, the game of dominance and submission, which is what rough sex is all about, requires that both sex partners agree in general. Also that a no is taken into account at any time and that taboos are discussed in advance. A certain degree of trust is therefore required when people get involved in this form of sexuality.
Excursus: The Quickie
It was already mentioned at the beginning and should therefore be named explicitly at this point: the Quickie. We would rather assign him to the category of rough sex. After all, he is anything but foreplay oriented. In addition, it often happens in situations and places where it would take too long to get rid of all clothes. A quickie is also less about the sensual experience than about goal-oriented penetration. The goal is clearly the orgasm, the way there is short according to the name.
Take your time and enjoy each other as much as possible.
In contrast to rough sex, slow sex is about taking your time and not chasing after an orgasm under stress. It is therefore also often called “gourmet sex”. If there is a goal at all, it is unconditional surrender and letting go. Being in the here and now and perceiving what a touch feels like and what it does to us is not only unfamiliar but also difficult for many of us. We are so focused on living out some particular fantasy that it sometimes feels strange to just let it happen. Slow sex is therefore a form of mindful sex.
Sexuality today: Pressure to perform instead of devotion?
Nowadays, the pressure to perform is not only in professional and everyday life; in bed, too, it is apparently always about having the best sex or orgasm in life. If the sex is not that fantastic or does not succeed in reaching the climax, then this is perceived as failure, which builds up a lot of pressure and takes away from the topic of sex what it should be connected with above all else: Devotion and joy. Instead, a lot is about fulfilled and unfulfilled expectations, which makes it much more difficult to let go and really enjoy your own sexuality.
Slow Sex: Mindfulness in bed
Slow sex is a trend that should work against this development. Just as more and more people attend mindfulness seminars to avoid burnout, slow sex can prevent erectile burnout. Because one thing is for sure: pleasure cannot be increased infinitely. At some point, the permanent overexcitability that many of us are exposed to tends to lead to sexual displeasure and dullness in our beds. To counter this, it may be worthwhile to take a look at the teachings of Tantra, on which Slow Sex is based, among other things. And to get involved, not to head for immediate penetration, but to consciously delay it and to get involved with all the physical sensations that can arise when two people consciously take time to discover each other.
Give me a bit of rough sex mixed with some sexy, slow and sweet lovemaking.
Of course it is as usual in life: There is not only black or white. We don’t even have to decide whether we want to have rough or slow sex without being able to change our mind. We can live both, depending on our mood and needs. Some days we may be turned on by the idea of having quick hard sex to satisfy our need for an explosive orgasm. On other days, we may look forward to very conscious and devoted sex that strengthens the connection to our partner. And of course we can also combine both. The great thing about sex is that we can always give it a different direction. In agreement with our counterpart, we can not only change direction at any time, but also start a second, more soulful round after a stormy attack on each other. Allowed is what ever you like.