Is sex with love really always better than sex without love?! Do we need to have loving feelings towards our sexual partners in order to have fulfilling sex?!
This is the question we want to explore in this article. After all, isn’t sex without a backpack full of feelings, worries, desires, fears and rituals also very fulfilling?! Isn’t sex for sex’s sake not just simply hot in some situations?! And can this explain the trend towards phenomena like Half Night Stand, Zipless Sex and DTF as propagated on dating portals like Tinder?!
Sex – a definition
Sex is the abbreviation of the word sexuality. It comes from the Latin word “sexus” meaning “sex”. Sex refers to all acts that are sexually arousing such as kissing, touching and oral sex and is therefore more than just sexual intercourse. Moreover, you can have sex not only with one or more partners, but also with yourself (also called solo sex, masturbation or masturbation).
Love – a definition
Just as it is not enough to call only sexual intercourse between a man and a woman sex, there is also not only one definition of love. Each person defines love individually differently. Common to all definitions will be that it is a strong feeling of being attracted, on a mental and/or physical level. Of course, we love our parents differently from our friends and our friends differently from our sexual partners.
Sex without love
It can happen in different ways that we suddenly find ourselves having sex with a person with whom we do not have and do not aspire to a love relationship. Whether it’s a party acquaintance or a Tinder date, when there is sexual attraction between two people and both give in to it, we may have sex spontaneously without it being based on a loving relationship with each other. And this non-committal sex can be very intense and satisfying, to be honest. It may even become the best sexual experience of our lives.
Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.
Hunter S. Thompson
What can make sex so good without love
Sex in which both sexual partners take what they need without wondering whether they are doing everything right, without being under pressure to do sufficient justice to their sexual partner, and without having to take into account feelings and hopes that go beyond that can be quite attractive. Especially if both sexual partners just enjoy their single existence and still do not want to give up sex. Zipless sex, which stands for sex without attachments, that is, none of the participants face any form of obligation. This form of sex adventure refrains from emotional entanglements of any kind. But for this to actually be the case, it is important to clarify the intentions of the participants in advance: Is it really just about sex, or is one of the two secretly hoping for more?!
Zipless Sex – do‘s and dont‘s
With non-committal sex it is just like with many other things in life. It’s only awesome when everyone plays by the rules. But what are the rules for sex without love! Respectful interaction should be a matter of course. This also includes not telling anyone about the experience, especially if there may be mutual acquaintances or friends. You can only really let yourself go if you can be sure that what happens in bed stays in bed. Furthermore, it requires not only external protective measures such as the use of a condom and an honest, open exchange regarding one’s own expectations, but also internal protective measures in the form of an honest dialogue with oneself regarding one’s own needs.
Half Night Stand and RRR- what is it, and what makes it so attractive?
One night stand – most of us know this. By this we mean an unique encounter. Anyone who gets involved in a one night stand knows about the fact that it is neither a long-term affair nor a relationship. Wanted is a sexual partner for one night. With or without coffee, the next morning the adventure is over. On the half night stand, it ends even sooner. Namely, right after sex, when the sexual partner makes his way home to his own bed. The half night stand is really only about the act itself and a little adventure on the side. On the other hand, we do not want to risk that waking up in the morning becomes a disaster because the person we wake up next to does not match our type after all, for example, or because the intimacy of the situation may evoke feelings that are contrary to a purely sexual liaison. On dating platforms like Tinder, this type of encounter is also known by the abbreviation DTF, which stands for Down To Fuck and is a clear synonym for a quickie.
Sex with love
That sex without love can have its charm, that is beyond question. Anyone who has ever had good non-committal sex will be able to confirm this. However, the monotony and especially the lack of any interpersonal closeness can also be depressing in the long run. Sex can become soul-less and our human image and self-image can suffer because we don’t get emotionally involved with our sexual partners, but only use them and let them use us. The difference between sex without love and sex with love is, first and foremost, that we care about people outside of bed. This makes sex more intimate. We feel closer to our sexual partner. It’s not so much about performing, it’s about feeling. Getting close. Perceiving what the other person needs right now and giving it to him or her. But also at the same time to show him/her what our own need is and how we want it to be fulfilled. Sex with love does not end with the completion of the actual act. And above all: sex with love calls for a repeat.
Having sex or making love – what’s the difference?!
Well, it can happen that we are not in a relationship right now and we are not in love. But we still crave sex that goes beyond in, out. Or to put it plainly: we don’t want to fuck, we want to make love. This is possible when we fully engage with our sexual partner during sex. To give ourselves at that moment with all that we are and have, making ourselves vulnerable, which is the basic condition for not just having sex, but making love. Anyone who has experienced both will know how different it feels when we look into each other’s eyes while we are one for a brief moment, laughing, moaning, shaking and possibly coming together.
Love without sex – the typical scenario of a marriage?
As we have seen, sex without love is quite a common model and is probably practiced more often than some would assume. However, it is tabooed just like the fact that there is no physicality in many love relationships anymore. Love without sex – for many, this may sound like the standard scenario of a marriage. Basically, a relationship has different pillars. Sexuality is one of them. Especially in long-term relationships, it can happen that one of the pillars breaks away, which does not automatically have to mean the end. There are also couples who manage without sex without suffering. Especially if this applies to both relationship partners, it does not automatically have to be assumed that the relationship is doomed to fail. On the contrary, if the paused sex life is not a deficit for both partners, they can live together very contentedly.
Photo by Shaira Dela Peña on Unsplash
